memories – mysticalsoulblogs

The trip to Jim Corbett

I am back with another blog on this lovely place

Bloganuary day 13: Think back on your most memorable road trip.

Storytime to my first visit trip to the Jim Corbett! I have shared earlier that Jim Corbett is a place I have immense love for. It is a calm and serene place, perfect for people like me who just want a break from their fast paced life. Sitting on the river banks surrounded by nature listening to all the sounds around in cold breezes with no rush is what bliss is.

I was in middle school. Mom, my mom’s mom, and I went on a little girls trip for a few days. We departed early in the morning, had breakfast on a restaurant on the highway, and reached perfectly by the check-in time. It was a fucking 7 star resort. I was quite stunned when the receptionist used the designation baby when referring my id because kids get respect too!!??

The room was so massive and the shower always, and I mean, always had hot water. I bathed thrice a day for that amazing hot shower and blow drying the hair. The lawns were vast, so many swings and a pool. The food was epic. The food can be the best or the worst part of your trip and fortunately we got the former. I had fucking hot dogs in breakfast, we don’t have hot dogs here man. I remember this huge cheese platter and I tasted ever variety laid there. Every night there was some event happening, wildlife documentary screening or dance party or bon fire or some other shit. God was this the best. We went on a wildlife safari and not only did I spot so many animals being in their own world, our driver showed us a downstream and it was absolutely beautiful down there. It was like a completely different place with a slow river stream and lush green bushes and trees and loads of birds. Mom didn’t let me go ahead because she feared I may slip and hurt myself. Makes sense. I don’t want to further elongate the text now otherwise it’d be a long, boring blog. So for anyone interested, I have written more of my experience in the blog I have linked above.

On the ride returning back, I had a hot chocolate fudge midway, which I vomited out later. The fudge wasn’t that good anyways.

This is all I can remember from my childhood trips. Although this anecdote is not exactly a “road trip” experience, it is the only good road trip I remember. The rest are one day journeys to some or the other temple that I always spent sleeping and being annoyed. This was a good one, one that I am fond of.

Song of the day!!

Money For Nothing by Jussie Smollett & Yazz. Another awesome upbeat track from my top artists.

The frightening flashes

Definitely not talking about lightening and thunder here

I have a busy schedule, one that exhausts me. I finally sit down to rest for my evening tea. And it hits. I remember my past. It comes back. I remember some of what had happened and what was said to me. The relatively calmer events flash in my mind and they are enough to make my mouth quiver. Then I remember how worse it really was. I remember the things that I faced. I remember feeling crippling fear and absolute rage during those times and I remember how I used to choose rage to battle others, then cry during the panic attacks I faced alone. My throat aches as I try to remember myself during the past 2-3 years and I only see glimpses of her. I only remember certain scenes. The suppressed memories rise but my dissociative tendencies work their magic again and suppress them so quick I don’t have time to process what pictures just flicked through my eyes, and all I can think of is how brave she was to fight it all. I never want to go back in the position she was in. Yet I am, for she is me, and I am her.

Song of the day!!

Labyrinth by Miracle Musical, Shane MauX & KAYE. I like the video game vibe outro and the well harmonised vocals.

One mistake that tainted everything in red

You ever just see one person and your heartbeat increases? That person harmed you once and left the deepest of scars, and even though they are completely harmless now, you can’t help but hate being in their presence. You aren’t scared. You are reminded of what they did every time you see them, tainting all the other memories. You can’t remember anything but that time. You don’t like being near them. That one act erased everything else. Their one act changed everything. Yet you are forced to act normal.

Song of the day!!

Hope by NF. A rap about trying hardest at all times with lyrics and vocals that feel like he is talking to you directly. He hits the core every time. NF’s intros and outros for albums truly serve their purpose every time.

Catch up? Nah

My emotional capacity is at the minimum level

At times I reminisce about people I left behind. I think about the good times and the fond memories and I think that maybe I shall catch up with them, talk about the past. But then my mind asks, “Catch up and what?” What will I do when I am satisfied and don’t wish to talk to them anymore. I mean, there is a reason why I cut them off in the first place. It won’t be fair to them that I contact them, chat a bit and then block them again. And I don’t have the emotional capacity to explain anything to anyone.

So what do I do? I don’t contact them. Simple.

Song of the day!!

Another Way Out by Hollywood Undead. A nice to track with a dangerous and creepy theme to vibe.

Bloodthirsty since childhood

lmao
This can be unpleasant for some people so don’t read it if you want funny stuff.

Bloganuary Day 3: What is the earliest memory you have?

…

Haha! I chuckled in my head on reading this question. In fact, I am smiling right now. Not because I am fond of that memory, but by thinking how innocent questions can take a dark turn. If I am honest, I don’t want to share it. It’s something people don’t expect to be a person’s first ever memory to be.

*A long breath because I am doing this*

My first memory is of my brother and I stabbing our father with forks to stop him from hurting our mom.

Expected this? Lol.

Anyways, yeah that’s my first memory.

So my father used to physically abuse my mother to please his psycho parents. I remember I went to my supposed grandmother to complain but she shooed me away. Then my brother brought in 2 forks from the kitchen and we started stabbing our father in his back. Him and mom were on the edge of the bed and we succesfully pushed him down. I don’t remember anything after that. But that’s my first memory. I wasn’t 2, I do know that. Because my supposed father kicked mom and I out before I turned 2, so this must have happened even before that. When I recently told my brother about it, he said I am crazy. But I remember it clearly and I know I’m not hallucinating like he claims.

I have never told mom about it. In fact I have never told this to anyone, except my bro.

Whenever I think of mom, I wonder how she lifted herself up from the situation she was in. She is one of the most inspiring people I have ever met and I wonder how she let go of all her fears. I can’t even look at crowds without trembling.

You know my second memory? My grandmother burning my hand with hot tongs. My dad’s side hated me coz I was a girl. They loved my brother coz he was a boy. But I am blessed with an awesome brother who cared for me. When I still lived with my father, my brother (2 years) took me out and announced that we were running away coz the family didn’t treat me right. You understand how courageous that bastard was? Unfortunately he isn’t as brave now, depression hit him hard too. But I’ll always remember it and love him. I know my brother. He is strong as fuck and no one has the power to beat him, except himself. He’s gonna always have my unconditional support.

Song of the day!!

One Kiss by Calvin Harris & Dua Lipa. Yeah I’m late to the pop music party. I like the music the most, that is what carries the song.

It all happened

With or without reason doesn’t matter. It happened. That’s all.

When life has run its course and time has passed, you look back to all that you had, and reminisce all the good times with all the good people that came and left as if they came only to give you that fulfilling experience. You recall that best friend from whom you drifted apart because your classes shuffled. You remember that person with whom you had a love-hate relationship of mocking comments and postive vibes. You remember those bros with whom you didn’t have an intimate bond and were awkward when alone, but enjoyed when the group was together. You recall the late night walks you took alone, sometimes encountering that handsome guy with his dog too. You recall the jokes, and the fights. You recall the promises, as well as the promises breaking. You remember the joy, you remember the sadness. You think of all these small, almost insignificant memories with a fond smile and pure satisfaction as you look ahead in your life and you wonder how, rather when it all happened. It all feels so unreal, as if a music video. But it all happened. And you were the main character, who was always present there with you.

Song of the day!!

The War I’m Scared To Face by Witt Lowry ft. Livingston. A song talking about the suffocation one feels because of not being able to converse openly about their mental health.

Taking risks

& making good memories

You ever look back to those events that are memorable now because you took the risk at that time? You could have spent that day like any other with nothing out of ordinary but because you decided to get out of your comfort zone and risk it, you now have a memorable story to tell. The thought of your struggles, the nervousness at the beginning, the adrenaline rush and the thrill and the success of the night brings a smile to your face. You’re glad you went for it and experienced something, it wasn’t a wasted night.

Today’s blog’s inspiration is today’s song of the day!

Wasted Nights by One Ok Rock. The thrill and the rush one would get while performing this… I am in love with this song. The music, the beats, the lyrics, the vocals- every element speaks for freedom. This piece has an overwhelming effect on me and I get chills watching the band’s performances and imagining some day I might be there too. A masterpiece and my all time favorite. Give it a listen. [There are different versions of this song (in korean, japanese) but the artist hasn’t uploaded the english one on yt so I had to put this video only.]

People & memories

It’s interesting…the people I once spent almost all my time with are nothing but mere strangers now. If not strangers, then aquaintances.

I remember a friend who was in the same act as me in the annual day performances in 5^th grade. We were also classmates so we stuck together. We were together literally all the time as if glued and never left each other’s side. If some third person wanted to know his whereabouts, they would ask me and vice-versa. We were very good friends and even our parents knew the other. It all vanished in a few months.

I had one more friend in 4^th and 5^th grade. He was my seat partner, vanmate and neighbour so we were naturally good friends. We never conversed about each other’s lives and only always teased each other but it wasn’t ever awkward. In class 6 the classes shuffled but we were still good friends till 8^th when I changed schools. I met him today after 3 years, we wished each other well and teased around a bit. We didn’t talk much but it was like we were still kids, only for 2 minutes. I didn’t really expect anything else tbh. If you expected some reconciliation and fun times then come back to reality. I can still walk up to his door and ask for a hangout but I won’t, that’s not me. Plus it would only be awkward, I mean we are 16 year old, changed people now!

I can tell you about more such people I encountered but I don’t want to write a long ass blog. I simply had this thought that how we come across so many people whose mere thought brings a certain warmth. Going through such memories is fun, until you start grieving. I love this quality in me, I cherish the memories and the experiences but don’t grieve.

Song of the day!!

Shooting Star by The Math Club ft. Jordyn Kane, Kelli Wakili & Marty Shannon (acc. to a fansite) from Barbie Starlight Adventure. This song has such a peaceful start and the vocals are so sweet and melodious. The lyrics remind me that I am worth it. It’s a lovely, healing song.