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Respecting opinions & tolerating bullshit are different

Unfortunately people these days don’t see any line between them

I have been trying hard to open up and converse with people. I have made some online “friends” (not friends but I like talking to them).

I am trying to be as honest as I can and not try to fit in. In fact, I had this fight with my tuition group I mentioned a few days ago and I ended up leaving it.

Some of them started putting is communalist remarks and derogatory comments about religion other than theirs. I asked them thrice to stop but they didn’t so I said that this is a dealbreaker for me and left. Two of them contact me immediately asking what happened and one of them (male) started saying even more derogatory things and that girls like me are the reason rapes happen. I showed him his place don’t worry. The other person said it’s not a big deal to have such extremist opinions.

Then three more people who were not online at the time of this conversation contacted me later and understood where I was coming from. They wanted me back but I cannot join a group with such narrow minded, egoistic jerks. I am not looking for such a low company. If I stay with them then it would mean I condone their behavior, which I do not. What surprises me is that two of them are in touch with me. At least today. Gotta wait and see how this goes. They aren’t mad or upset with me and we talk casually.

One of them is not a big supporter of the queer community, says he doesn’t get the concept. Which I understand coz our country is hella backwards in these matters. People fight over religion, gender and sexual equality are far away. When he told me about this I said I am bisexual and pride month is going on. This was deadass hilarious.
Some people may say that I shall instantly break up because not supporting means being homophobic but this won’t work unless we have proper education and awareness on the topic. I can’t expect people to suddenly be open minded or understand things or not be weirded out. I told him he will get used to it and he doesn’t have anything to do with my sexuality anyway. We are chill.

We need to be patient in this fight too. Fight for the laws, be patient for the society. But that doesn’t mean you endure insults and discrimination.

Song of the day!!

get No Better 2.0 by Serayah. An upbeat track with skilled mixing about shining over them haters.

© Copyrighted to @mysticalsoul5 (mysticalsoulblogs). All rights reserved.

Socialising really ain’t easy

Even over text

A few days back I shared how I am part of a new friend group. I shared how I am trying to let things play and take it slow. But I can’t help noticing the red flags in people. When conversations play out, you notice aspects of people that are warning signs for when entering in a relationship with them. I don’t want to set myself on not hanging out with them or having fun. But I need to remember to not sway away. Not like it is possible but still.

I can’t help but overthink that they may have another group chat where they make fun of me. I wonder if I come off as annoying or something to anyone. Then I see them pinging me but my head still doesn’t get it.

They are fun people to hang with but of course I still get drained. My social levels aren’t very high. And I am still awkward, the introvert tendencies don’t magically disappear. Idk how to approach these things. Any idea?

Song of the day!!

Queen of Kings by Alessandra. An amazingly produced track that has the power to give an out-of-world experience with the Edm music and royal vibes.

© Copyrighted to @mysticalsoul5 (mysticalsoulblogs). All rights reserved.

Raising my self-esteem #7

Maybe I need to start letting go…?

I always find it hard to think that people like me. It is a foreign concept for me. I have always stayed with one foot inside and the rest out the door.

Recently I have been getting involved more openly with new people, in a groupchat with students taking the same coaching as me for university entrance exams. I was on the verge of relapsing when I got the invite to join. The timing was so right. I was less apprehensive and decided to use my experience gathered on discord and just vibe. My mood turned better.

It has been going well so far. Better than I expected actually. People are actually replying to me, genuine questions as well as jokes. I chatted for more than an hour with everyone yesterday. I taught some people psychology today. People have saved my contacts, direct message me, and also ping me for my input.


I also confessed yesterday that I am never so open in a new group, but this one is actually nice. And it actually is so. Everyone is light hearted and open to things. And they are also ambitious and work when it’s time to work.

I am not rushing into anything. I am taking it slow and letting it play out as it is. There have been embarrassing moments, but with others also so I guess it’s fine. The trust issues are there, of course. I am constantly afraid if everyone hates me. But can’t really do anything except move on, right!

Maybe it won’t be as bad.

Song of the day!!

POS by Sueco. A song depicting the battle between the voices in the head. I love how it is executed.

© Copyrighted to @mysticalsoul5 (mysticalsoulblogs). All rights reserved.

Every kid knows

We are born with the ability to detect danger.

TW: sexual assault⚠️⚠️⚠️

Today I read a case about a girl of 11-12 years of age getting raped by 5 boys multiple times.

It hurt.

I shared it with my friends. That girl will never be the same. One said karma is real and will get those boys. It isn’t this way. The truth is that the world is too ignorant to approach these issues. Many times no one even hears. If they do then no action is taken. And a helpless child can do nothing but try to bury it.

Somehow I got reminded of the time I almost got assaulted. It’s scary. It’s scary as fuck.

I had to think a lot before writing this blog, it’s very hard to talk about it. I have never let it out. I am still scared to admit it. At times I am confused if it was even true or was I dreaming.

I was younger than 10. I was sleeping in the noon and woke up to see the house servant (male) trying to pull down my shorts. I remember feeling panicked but didn’t scream. I was too drowsy to do anything. I just wanted him to leave. I shook my leg. He panicked and quickly started mopping the floor, doing what he was actually meant to do. I will never forget the sound of the mop wiping the floor.

I stayed on high alert till he left, and then I covered myself with the sheet again, curling up and holding myself tightly. After a few days, I told mom. She asked why I didn’t tell her before. I admitted I was scared. I was scared they would blame me. I was scared no one would believe me.

I had no idea what he meant to do. I just knew that I was in danger.

I never spoke of it again. And I don’t think mom addressed it wither. Because he stayed for a long time, contract extended 6 months because he was good at his work.

Too good maybe haha.

I was right at the end. Why would they trust a kid over a good servant lol?

I wanted to tell my friends about this, but I just couldn’t. I don’t know why I am even writing this.


I just want to hug that little girl and let her know that she can cry. She doesn’t need to hold it in to seem strong. She can tell everyone and they will believe her.

But I am not sure if they would believe her myself.

We live in a shitty world.

Since morning that scene is swirling in my head. It’s hard for me to look at any man, hear any man’s voice. But I can’t let this small incident hold me back. My chest feels heavy but I think I’ll recover.

I just want to say that please don’t do any such thing to anyone. It becomes a burden to carry. A permanent lump in the throat. A boulder on the chest. No safety. Always paranoid.

Someone may say that I can still raise voice. But what the use? None of us know where that guy is right now. And it can easily be said that I am making stories. Why would I make noise after so many years? Ultimately he didn’t do anything right?

It’s hilarious. I actually chuckled just now.

I don’t think I will ever be able to talk about it without being jittery, if I ever talk about it ever again. This was very difficult to let out. I will never see this blog again.

Note: Please refrain from any sympathetic, pitiful comments like “I’m sorry you had to go through that” because that is exactly what I don’t want to hear. Ever. Thank you for reading!

Song of the day!!

People Watching by Conan Gray. A song about a person trying to find love. Would be a good choice to add in a similar themed book’s setlist.

© Copyrighted to @mysticalsoul5 (mysticalsoulblogs). All rights reserved.

Why I have so many arcade games?

It isn’t news that I really like playing games. I have discussed different games in a couple blogs in the past. However I have recently made an observation that I want to share.

I love playing battlegrounds and action games but I don’t install them often because of time. I play racing games often because they have action and can be wound up quickly. However, I tend to switch between different arcade games almost constantly, like a pattern. And I think the reason is because I ALWAYS need something to occupy my hand, while presenting variety.

My mind is constantly racing and if I stop focusing on something, anxiety increases. Even if my mind is not into it, I need my hands to be occupied with some task.

For example, I join a class and have to wait for a bit, I need to do something in the meantime. At times I tidy up any clutter lying around, or I play a game.

If you tell me to play that same game in my free time, I won’t. Because my mind won’t be occupied enough and the overwhelming boulders will return.

I read comics at such times. My mind is fully occupied with the storyline and the art, and my hands are also busy scrolling.

Song of the day!!

Circles by Post Malone. Pleasant music with awesome lyricism and vocal delivery.

© Copyrighted to @mysticalsoul5 (mysticalsoulblogs). All rights reserved.

Few tips on meeting people please?

Ok so I’m about to enter college soon and even though I am ready to meet new people and make real friends who I can truly rely on, I don’t know how.

Reflecting over my experiences, I get so overwhelmed in front of people that I just sit at a desk and not even look around. And this time I need to change it. Then I also need to be easygoing but not offensive. I am worried about snobby people who act like shit, which will ultimately cause me to snap. I don’t want to cause any scandals this time. I have had enough of them. Most of all, I should also be able to talk.

And I have no idea how to do any of that. Someone please give me tips because I really want to make this work this time. I am going to keep a book with me, of course, but I need more measures to not have an anxiety attack.😭😭😭

Song of the day!!

Changes by 2Pac ft. Talent. A reality-check track that deserves recognition for its lyrics and the vocals.

© Copyrighted to @mysticalsoul5 (mysticalsoulblogs). All rights reserved.

Experiencing food shouldn’t be hard

But for many, it is.

It makes me wonder how people in one region of the world find another region’s food tasteless or weird.

People grow up being fed a particular type of cuisine and soon their taste buds develop so much that they lose the ability to really taste. I mean, what good is your tongue if it can’t relish varying flavors? It’s not here just to tell you if the curd is too sour or too sweet.

I am happy I do not bind myself to stable cultures and diets. I can experience the food wherever I go. I can really enjoy the world. Tbh being able to adapt is one of my best qualities. I take a lot of time in accepting things, but I am able to adapt and work on the whim.

Note: I don’t mean to mock anyone and am just sharing my opinion so don’t start any feuds with me. Thank you for reading!

Song of the day!!

Don’t Give Up by Zoe Wees. Heart wrenching lyrics, emotional vocals and we’ll thought music fusing together pleading you to not give up.

© Copyrighted to @mysticalsoul5 (mysticalsoulblogs). All rights reserved.

Caffeine addiction

Life sucks bro

I love caffeine. I love tea and coffee and they are my magical comfort drinks!

Though I had this realisation a couple days back that I drink tea like water. I have been having too much tea in recent days, at least three cups everyday. And even though it is extremely hot these days, I cannot function without it. It has become a fuel. I don’t want to drink water or snack, but just want tea. It feels like an addiction. An addiction I am not fueling because of my laziness and the fact that it is summers so excess of hot drinks are a bad idea.

Song of the day!!

Watch by Stella Mwangi & Valorant. Crisp instrumentals and sharp vocals. It’s really hard to incorporate the kind of drops and beats as used in this song, awesome job done by the producers!

© Copyrighted to @mysticalsoul5 (mysticalsoulblogs). All rights reserved.