Me & my diary – mysticalsoulblogs

Respecting opinions & tolerating bullshit are different

Unfortunately people these days don’t see any line between them

I have been trying hard to open up and converse with people. I have made some online “friends” (not friends but I like talking to them).

I am trying to be as honest as I can and not try to fit in. In fact, I had this fight with my tuition group I mentioned a few days ago and I ended up leaving it.

Some of them started putting is communalist remarks and derogatory comments about religion other than theirs. I asked them thrice to stop but they didn’t so I said that this is a dealbreaker for me and left. Two of them contact me immediately asking what happened and one of them (male) started saying even more derogatory things and that girls like me are the reason rapes happen. I showed him his place don’t worry. The other person said it’s not a big deal to have such extremist opinions.

Then three more people who were not online at the time of this conversation contacted me later and understood where I was coming from. They wanted me back but I cannot join a group with such narrow minded, egoistic jerks. I am not looking for such a low company. If I stay with them then it would mean I condone their behavior, which I do not. What surprises me is that two of them are in touch with me. At least today. Gotta wait and see how this goes. They aren’t mad or upset with me and we talk casually.

One of them is not a big supporter of the queer community, says he doesn’t get the concept. Which I understand coz our country is hella backwards in these matters. People fight over religion, gender and sexual equality are far away. When he told me about this I said I am bisexual and pride month is going on. This was deadass hilarious.
Some people may say that I shall instantly break up because not supporting means being homophobic but this won’t work unless we have proper education and awareness on the topic. I can’t expect people to suddenly be open minded or understand things or not be weirded out. I told him he will get used to it and he doesn’t have anything to do with my sexuality anyway. We are chill.

We need to be patient in this fight too. Fight for the laws, be patient for the society. But that doesn’t mean you endure insults and discrimination.

Song of the day!!

get No Better 2.0 by Serayah. An upbeat track with skilled mixing about shining over them haters.

Every kid knows

We are born with the ability to detect danger.

TW: sexual assault⚠️⚠️⚠️

Today I read a case about a girl of 11-12 years of age getting raped by 5 boys multiple times.

It hurt.

I shared it with my friends. That girl will never be the same. One said karma is real and will get those boys. It isn’t this way. The truth is that the world is too ignorant to approach these issues. Many times no one even hears. If they do then no action is taken. And a helpless child can do nothing but try to bury it.

Somehow I got reminded of the time I almost got assaulted. It’s scary. It’s scary as fuck.

I had to think a lot before writing this blog, it’s very hard to talk about it. I have never let it out. I am still scared to admit it. At times I am confused if it was even true or was I dreaming.

I was younger than 10. I was sleeping in the noon and woke up to see the house servant (male) trying to pull down my shorts. I remember feeling panicked but didn’t scream. I was too drowsy to do anything. I just wanted him to leave. I shook my leg. He panicked and quickly started mopping the floor, doing what he was actually meant to do. I will never forget the sound of the mop wiping the floor.

I stayed on high alert till he left, and then I covered myself with the sheet again, curling up and holding myself tightly. After a few days, I told mom. She asked why I didn’t tell her before. I admitted I was scared. I was scared they would blame me. I was scared no one would believe me.

I had no idea what he meant to do. I just knew that I was in danger.

I never spoke of it again. And I don’t think mom addressed it wither. Because he stayed for a long time, contract extended 6 months because he was good at his work.

Too good maybe haha.

I was right at the end. Why would they trust a kid over a good servant lol?

I wanted to tell my friends about this, but I just couldn’t. I don’t know why I am even writing this.

I WAS A FUCKING KID!

I just want to hug that little girl and let her know that she can cry. She doesn’t need to hold it in to seem strong. She can tell everyone and they will believe her.

But I am not sure if they would believe her myself.

We live in a shitty world.

Since morning that scene is swirling in my head. It’s hard for me to look at any man, hear any man’s voice. But I can’t let this small incident hold me back. My chest feels heavy but I think I’ll recover.

I just want to say that please don’t do any such thing to anyone. It becomes a burden to carry. A permanent lump in the throat. A boulder on the chest. No safety. Always paranoid.

Someone may say that I can still raise voice. But what the use? None of us know where that guy is right now. And it can easily be said that I am making stories. Why would I make noise after so many years? Ultimately he didn’t do anything right?

It’s hilarious. I actually chuckled just now.

I don’t think I will ever be able to talk about it without being jittery, if I ever talk about it ever again. This was very difficult to let out. I will never see this blog again.

Note: Please refrain from any sympathetic, pitiful comments like “I’m sorry you had to go through that” because that is exactly what I don’t want to hear. Ever. Thank you for reading!

Song of the day!!

People Watching by Conan Gray. A song about a person trying to find love. Would be a good choice to add in a similar themed book’s setlist.

Caffeine addiction

Life sucks bro

I love caffeine. I love tea and coffee and they are my magical comfort drinks!

Though I had this realisation a couple days back that I drink tea like water. I have been having too much tea in recent days, at least three cups everyday. And even though it is extremely hot these days, I cannot function without it. It has become a fuel. I don’t want to drink water or snack, but just want tea. It feels like an addiction. An addiction I am not fueling because of my laziness and the fact that it is summers so excess of hot drinks are a bad idea.

Song of the day!!

Watch by Stella Mwangi & Valorant. Crisp instrumentals and sharp vocals. It’s really hard to incorporate the kind of drops and beats as used in this song, awesome job done by the producers!