Reality is what makes things go on, perception is what has everything flowing.
Many people will tell you that it is on you how you view the world. Some bad things can’t necessarily impact you on the whole if you don’t let it. Bla bla bla…
The truth is that reality is what we see. Perception is what we make of it.
All the bad things and all the good things, all that has happened is reality. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.
How we take it and move forward is our own perception. If we decide to close ourselves, if we wish to grow, when do we feel the need to do something, it all comes on its own.
Change of reality is needed for a change in perception though. It is definitely easier to look at the world positively when the negative events and surroundings are taken away.
Each of us has our own pace. You will have that internal calling telling you to change something someday. It’s okay if you stay in right now. Maybe you won’t even realise when you have adapted to different habits and are starting to perceive things in a different light. But that doesn’t mean that you stop trying.
The right environment, the right people, the right time are all important for sure. Certain situations motivate you to do something while some motivate you to do something opposite. Let the reality flow, and let the experience come in. Allow yourself to absorb information. You will soon learn how to perceive things to achieve the outcome you want.
When you think about it, it’s crazy how we have turned the world against us. Getting things done is more important than our health and survival. Everything is so complex. It’s a matrix we are living in. How we perceive the world is decided by where we live, and with whom. We can’t roam freely in our own habitat. We have to go through negativity and unnecessary toil to exist. Why?
So much hatred, so much violence. We are killing everything around us and say “that is how the world works.” It does not. We can change all of this if we want. We can change how the world works.
But how? Everyone is stuck in this matrix. Greed is a never ending elixir.
There is so much that I want to say, but no words come out of my mouth. Even if you ask me multiple times, I won’t crack. I won’t say what’s on my mind. I have gotten so habitual to keeping it all in. I know they will never understand. I know they will never apologise. So why should I even bother? It hurts. It hurts to think the people closest give the deepest scars. The people who claim to support me are the reason I want to die. It hurts to know that this will never change. That they will never change and I will never heal. I wish I could say something. I wish I could scream. But what would be the use? They will never understand.
It makes me hate myself. I should have never trusted them. Should have never given them the power to hurt me. Fucking sick.
You ever wonder why you are doing something? That you are crazy to do it? You are so obsessed with something that you just can’t leave it alone. People are scared of it. No one really gets you. But you are so in love with that beauty to listen, and keep chasing it. It’s a drug. It’s adrenaline. It’s what keeps you going. Nothing matches the rush it gives you. Nothing can compare to the feeling you get when you’re close to it. Keep chasing for it. Don’t stop. Laugh and run.
Idk who needs to hear this but you should never be guilty for prioritising your mental health.
I am writing this to anyone who feels burdened with their family.
It’s alright if you do. It’s alright if you don’t enjoy their company much or feel exhausted when with them. Being tied by blood doesn’t make the bond wonderful. The people do.
Even if they are amazing people full of love and support, it’s alright if you don’t always feel like hanging out.
You have nothing to be guilty about.
Many families are stuck on the fact that everyone has to be there. But if it is taking toll on you, don’t. Family traditions and practices to bond are wholesome, but not when they pull you down. A person would be excused if they are physically ill, so the same goes for mental health. A family is comprised of those who lift you up. Remember that.
Succeeding in something feels good. But the feeling is even better when you win over the hardships others would have crumbled in, alone. It’s like your little secret. Only you know what you went through, yet you rose to the top because at that moment, you wanted to win. It makes me feel good. I makes me feel unstoppable. My scars are the proof.
At times it feels good to just lie down. Spread on the bed in the dark, staring into nowhere.
My mind never calms and I can’t sleep until I am extremely exhausted. Then also it takes a lot of time to drift into unconsciousness.
It’s nice like this. I don’t have the pressure to sleep. I can just let my body rest for a while.
I think about how I spent today. How much I need to do to reach where I want. I revise the to-do list in my mind.
I ponder over the fact how I am still alive. I could have easily gone 2 years earlier. I am still here. The marks on my body are proof that I didn’t give up. I think how much I am doing despite my conditions. Then I remember that it is still not enough. I need to work harder and smarter than now to reach my goal and feel fulfilled.
I would still want to die. It is never a bad option. If I have the chance, I will immediately jump at the opportunity to end all of this. I’ll finally have the peace I desire.
No matter how hard I try to ease myself, some people make me feel like it is the end of the world if I make one small mistake that isn’t going to affect anything. And it hurts more to find that these are the people closest to me- my mom. I get that she doesn’t want anyone to scold or look down at me for anything, but she tries to keep me too tight. Prolonged discussions over meaningless actions are just annoying at this point. You pointed it once, it’s cool. Move on.
Keeping a sword over your child’s head regardless of any intention is wrong. A person is a person, not a robot and deserves to live at ease in absence of such toxic, perfectionist environment. Excusing your actions in the name of love and protection is coward and in fact twisted. You can’t have a happy child when you are the source of stress.
I don’t let her get to my head now. I just calm my breathing and remember that it doesn’t matter.