18 October 2023 10:24p.m
Life has been quite busy recently. I barely have time. Dance and academics have consumed my waking hours. I have some jobs lined up, I just need to get my shit settled to start working. I have noticed that being productive and busy takes your mind off of useless things. You stop caring about things that aren’t necessary and you start getting clearer in your day to day priorities. Wandering thoughts on whom to give more attention or what to do when some xyz situation happens disappear. It is all about what happens in the now, and how to get better in the now. And not gonna lie I am liking this change of pace. I have never been cold to changes or challenges, I love them. I am learning something new everyday and that is what I want from life. I never want to stop chasing knowledge. I have lived through a period when my passions died and that was my first death. That was rock bottom because whatever the fuck life has put through me, nothing compares to the terror I got when I couldn’t learn and couldn’t do what I wanted, simply because my mind wouldn’t let me. Prioritising stuff for long term goals is comparatively easier than prioritising everyday chores. At least for me. As of now, I am sort of struggling in balancing my shit but at least I haven’t given up. Everyday I wish to die. Everyday I wish to disappear without any trace. Everyday I hold on for something I can’t see. I sabotage myself a lot. The voices tell me I can’t do it. They tell me I am not enough even if I try my best. And at times I succumb. I believe I can’t do it. Then I wake up and I remind myself I have people I look up to who I want to make proud. For some reason, I want certain people to give a pat on my back and say very good. It’s scary. But it’s nice.
Song of the day!!
© Copyrighted to @mysticalsoul5 (mysticalsoulblogs). All rights reserved.
mysticalsoulblogs 