Today I read a case about a girl of 11-12 years of age getting raped by 5 boys multiple times.
It hurt.
I shared it with my friends. That girl will never be the same. One said karma is real and will get those boys. It isn’t this way. The truth is that the world is too ignorant to approach these issues. Many times no one even hears. If they do then no action is taken. And a helpless child can do nothing but try to bury it.
Somehow I got reminded of the time I almost got assaulted. It’s scary. It’s scary as fuck.
I had to think a lot before writing this blog, it’s very hard to talk about it. I have never let it out. I am still scared to admit it. At times I am confused if it was even true or was I dreaming.
I was younger than 10. I was sleeping in the noon and woke up to see the house servant (male) trying to pull down my shorts. I remember feeling panicked but didn’t scream. I was too drowsy to do anything. I just wanted him to leave. I shook my leg. He panicked and quickly started mopping the floor, doing what he was actually meant to do. I will never forget the sound of the mop wiping the floor.
I stayed on high alert till he left, and then I covered myself with the sheet again, curling up and holding myself tightly. After a few days, I told mom. She asked why I didn’t tell her before. I admitted I was scared. I was scared they would blame me. I was scared no one would believe me.
I had no idea what he meant to do. I just knew that I was in danger.
I never spoke of it again. And I don’t think mom addressed it wither. Because he stayed for a long time, contract extended 6 months because he was good at his work.
Too good maybe haha.
I was right at the end. Why would they trust a kid over a good servant lol?
I wanted to tell my friends about this, but I just couldn’t. I don’t know why I am even writing this.
I WAS A FUCKING KID!
I just want to hug that little girl and let her know that she can cry. She doesn’t need to hold it in to seem strong. She can tell everyone and they will believe her.
But I am not sure if they would believe her myself.
We live in a shitty world.
Since morning that scene is swirling in my head. It’s hard for me to look at any man, hear any man’s voice. But I can’t let this small incident hold me back. My chest feels heavy but I think I’ll recover.
I just want to say that please don’t do any such thing to anyone. It becomes a burden to carry. A permanent lump in the throat. A boulder on the chest. No safety. Always paranoid.
Someone may say that I can still raise voice. But what the use? None of us know where that guy is right now. And it can easily be said that I am making stories. Why would I make noise after so many years? Ultimately he didn’t do anything right?
It’s hilarious. I actually chuckled just now.
I don’t think I will ever be able to talk about it without being jittery, if I ever talk about it ever again. This was very difficult to let out. I will never see this blog again.
Note: Please refrain from any sympathetic, pitiful comments like “I’m sorry you had to go through that” because that is exactly what I don’t want to hear. Ever. Thank you for reading!
Song of the day!!
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