social anxiety – mysticalsoulblogs

School student attends college fest

At least now I know what to expect when I go to college lol.

So I went to a college fest 2 days back. I am school student but got entry because of some connections. There was a flashmob and musical performances by the college students. There were 5 students who performed as a band and they are one of the best rookie artists I have ever seen.

One of the most renowned comedians did a show. I knew about the comedian and was looking forward to his show and tbh it was so worth it. An established dj also came who literally had to tone down his music in between to hype up he crowd all the time😂😂. And honestly, if you have to do that then your music really isn’t too great. Despite that, it was good enough to jump around and party.

A renowned singer also came. He came as a replacement to an even bigger popstar. I knew how famous he is but I didn’t know any of his songs. Yet I was captured by the music and enjoyed his show. I looked at him interacting with the audience and singing so heartily with all the stage lights focused on him, and I thought how I would look up there. I imagined myself performing and it gave me even more thrill than the performance going on in front of me.

I also had my first ever boba tea and I understand why people are so obsessed with it. That shit is legit heaven. It was so refreshing I felt sad when it finished. The little balls (idk what they’re callled) though were bland and infact deteoriated the taste.

My friends were jealous duh. But they were also happy I got to enjoy.

I also realised that I was alone in the midst of a humongous crowd for around 3-4 hours and I didn’t feel much anxiety rushing through my spine. No tremors, no anxiety attacks, no claustrophobia. Slight dizziness, sweating and a bit of breathing problems because I was literally in the middle of hundreds of people. My feet were hurting by the end of it.

I am actually grateful for this chance because I was already craving dancing my head off without any worries and I achieved that to a certain extent. No matter if I smashed someone’s foot or if I stared at someone too long, I don’t have to worry because I am never gonna see those people again. This outing worked as a reminder how I can enjoy myself with my own company and don’t need to have someone with me at all times.

There were so many couples dancing to the romantic music. I was just laughing and thinking “After 2 months you’d be crying over these videos only.” Idk why I am like this but I love it lol.

Song of the day!!

Bitches broken hearts by Billie Eilish. I love how the low vocals match the tempo of the music perfectly.

Raising my self-esteem #4

Maybe my social anxiety is something I made up. Maybe I can erase it.

At times I feel my social anxiety is something that has reduced but I deliberately bring it back. I was in a massive crowd today, alone for 3 hours. And I didn’t feel any tremors or dizziness. It got suffocating because there were so many people (it was a concert). I enjoyed a lot. I was listening and jumping and shouting between the humongous crowd on my own. No claustrophobia. Maybe I feel chest pains at times because I tell myself that I have social anxiety and it’s gonna be difficult. Maybe it’s really all in my head. Maybe I can overcome this with much more ease than I thought.

But this means letting. And I am comfortable in this zone. I have accepted it and I hold it tight. Who would I be if not someone who panic seeing the crowds?

You know going out alone somehow turns out to be an adventure every time. I love walking down the lanes with no sense of direction and ending up in an unknown place. I wander. I think. I overcome something or the other. I love these small little outings of mine.

Song of the day!!

Bad Blood by Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar. Revengeful lyrics with groovy music almost everyone has heard. Why am I always late to such parties?

Raising my self esteem #2

Maybe I can get rid of my social anxiety…

I went to a local market today. Earlier I was sacred af because I knew it would be a very crowded place and considering I have social anxiety, crowded places are something I don’t really find appealing.

But I think I did quite good today. I didn’t get any tremors and I was relatively okay. I did shudder in the middle of crowds and talking to those big looking shopkeepers but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I focused only on myself and I didn’t feel claustrophobic. Just suffocated.

I didn’t put much brains into thinking about so many people and I came back fully functional with no limbs missing, so I guess I can get better and not be scared of crowds. I’m not really sure though, maybe it was only okay today because I didn’t see anyone familiar. I don’t know…I have to go into more crowds if I wanna pass any judgement on this matter. But I am pretty sure I will get over my social anxiety some day. I have to.

Song of the day!!

Unbreakable by Aviva. I like the vocals of this song, they successfully achieve the vibe required in this song and it makes this piece all the more interesting. The lyrics could have been written more creatively though.